Wednesday, July 10, 2013

I can't even save myself, from myself.

Monday, June 10, 2013

I've become much too reliant on things I shouldn't.

Wednesday, May 29, 2013

This sudden urge to write. I love it.

Self-control

This I must learn before I hurt myself mentally. The unreasonable thoughts that runs through my mind after I make a minor mistake of an action I believe I should not have done... is slowly killing me on the inside. It is hurting my confidence, it's destroying the mere ounce of hope I have remaining in my system, and I don't deserve to do this to myself. What I done may not be as harmful as I see it, but it is. What I say, may make absolutely no sense. However, when do I ever make sense. To end my words. Let it be.

Sunday, May 26, 2013

I don't know what it is. But there's something that just doesn't seem right. And the worst part is that I don't think it will ever feel right. Being back just feels completely wrong, it's like being part of a new life that doesn't fit who I am. But the weirdest part is that I'm still the same person. So what changed? What happened that made things so different now? I was only gone for a few months. So why had those months made such a difference? Why can't I just be happy back here instead of thinking about my second life. Nothing seems to make me happy here. I may be quick to judge, it hasn't even been two weeks, but this really feels like pain. It could be the fact that my family and I still lack a family. It could be the fact that I miss how easy life was and the people who surrounded you were more often people you wanted to be surrounded by. Or it could be the fact that my life just feels so planned back here. I feel so crammed that it's like there's no room to breathe.

Right now, if I wasn't here, I'd be able to just leave and find somewhere to breathe. This is so typical to hear, but I love nature. I love to just sit outside and read a book, people watch, or do absolutely nothing at all. But I can't do this whenever I need. I can't escape because this whole area is a trap. Everything I look at, everyone I see. It all feels so wrong and everything just upsets me. I just don't understand why I am this hurt. I don't understand why I am hurt at all.

I need to drive away. Even if it is still here, I can drive to an unknown spot. There I can read, I can smile, I can breathe. Just anywhere... but here will do me no good. I need to save myself from this misery.

I'm not as strong as I thought I was.

Saturday, May 18, 2013

As much as I would hate to admit it. I have to say, being back is only going to be good for me. I miss college and all my friends like hell already and having to come back to this town isn't one bit rewarding after such a great year. But the only thing I can do is toughin' up and realize that it's because of this town that I chose to go to such a great school. If I didn't attend high school I went to go, lived where I live, met who I met... I wouldn't have met the great people I know today. And I would especially never have been as happy as I was in a months period of time in college compared to the past 17 years. This sucks. But I'll get over it and make the best of these few years.

Thursday, April 18, 2013

Oh jeez. People.

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

If you could see me now
I think you would be so proud
If you could see me now
I think we would happy
If you could see me now
I think I would be a better person
If you could see me now
I think you would be smiling at how far I've gotten

If you could see me now
I know you would be proud
If you could see me now
I know we would be happy
If you could see me now
I know I would be a better person
If you could see me now
I know you would be smiling

If I could see you now
I will never let go
To make you proud
To prove myself wrong
To be a happier person
To find a reason to keep searching
If only
You could see me now

Monday, January 28, 2013

The words you throw at me are as useless as the person you are.

Sunday, November 4, 2012

I miss you so much.